Backstage Past 1

OLT!

Another chilly winter’s night;
You brew another tea
And you’re bored with the computer
And there’s nothing on TV.

But down the road the lights are bright,
The show’s about to start;
And behind the velvet curtains
All prepare to play their part.

The adrenaline is pumping;
In the wings the nerves are clear
As we run our lines and question
What on earth we’re doing here.

And backstage it’s all confusion;
Find that costume! Mend that light!!
But in the end it comes together
And it’s alright on the night.

And when the curtain closes,
And the audience yell for more,
There’s a buzz that’s like no other
And we know then what it’s for.

So turn up and watch the revels,
Shows for every taste and age
Bringing lively entertainment
To our local Otley stage.

Or why don’t you come and join us?
It’s a thrilling way to be
If you tread the boards (or paint them)
As a part of O.L.T.!

ROBINSON CRUSOE
(November 2000)
This poem was used in the pantomime's programme.
It set a precedent for several furher programme introductions!

We're very proud to bring to you, and for the nineteenth time,
The Otley Little Theatre's famous Christmas Pantomime.
This year we take you travelling, across the seven seas,
And you never will have seen such wond'rous characters as these!

The hero of the title is a brave seafaring man
Now he's sailing to Tobago - finding Treasure is his plan!
His girlfriend, Polly Perkins, comes on board to make the trip
As does cheerful brother Kenny, always ready with a quip,

And he takes along his mother, Chrissie Crusoe is her name,
Who convinces Captain Perkins that there's nothing like a Dame!
Bill Barnacle the bosun, and Ben Dover, who's the mate,
And a crew of fellow travellers will share our hero's fate;

But they've one unwelcome stowaway who means to steal the loot
In the evil pirate Blackpatch, who recruits his pal, Jack Boot.
They all set out from London Town, aboard the Mary Rose,
But it'll never be plain sailing, we're entitled to suppose.

They encounter Demon Oylslick, and his dirty, slimy tricks,
But thanks to Fairy Detergenta, oil and water never mix
Till at last on fair Tobago all our party go aground
(Although for a desert island, there's a lot of folk around!)

There's Man Friday who befriends them, and Gorillas there besides,
And the leader, Wottawoppa, who likes people - lightly fried!
But as in ev'ry Pantomime, the major star is YOU
So please feel free to clap and cheer - or even hiss and boo!

We won't reveal the ending ('twould be less than fair to do so)
But prepare to be enraptured by the tale of
ROBINSON CRUSOE

BEDROOM FARCE
(2001)

In any play, relationships can seem a bit confused
And so can the relationships of all the actors used.
So here's a short description of the players and their parts
Which will aid your understanding of this evening's Bedroom Farce.
And just to make it easier to put them in their places
The roles appear in CAPITALS, the cast in lower cases.
First off, there's Mike as ERNEST, in the play he's TREVOR's Dad,
(Though judging by appearances, he's fathered quite a lad)
And Mother DELIA's wed to him, to honour and obey,
(We mean, of course, to ERNEST, 'cos it's not that sort of play!)
Now here's where complications start, so focus if you will,
For DELIA's played by Marjorie, whose daughter's name is Gill.
And Gill plays JAN who married NICK, and neither has regrets,
While NICK is played by Nick (which is as simple as it gets).
Nick's wife Jane's SUSANNAH, wed to TREVOR (see above),
Whose marriage seems to prove the point about the course of love.
And TREVOR's played by Tony, while confusing to relate,
His partner Jan (distinct from either JAN or Jane) plays KATE.
KATE's husband MALCOLM's Graham S, and Graham's wed to Dot,
Who's not appearing in this play, so sorry, that's your lot!

O.L.T. GOES COUNTRY
(April 2001)

Another chilly April night
Another Otley spring
Another day to contemplate
What ills the news will bring.

There's foot and mouth not far away
The trains are running late
While politicians dither on
The next Election date.

So flee This Antiseptic Isle;
Let's fly across the Pond;
We'll spend a pleasant evening in
The U.S.A. beyond.

Inhale a breath of Country air,
Enjoy the rolling plains;
With tales of Trucks and Prisons,
Healthy Cows and Moving Trains.

Where horizons stretch forever;
Where the deer and bison play;
It's not hard to Love Thy Neighbour
When he's fifty miles away.

On Country Roads, the guns are cheap
And Men live Wild and Free
While Gals Stand By Them (till the D.
I.V.O.R.C.E.)

Where the Oil it flows like Water,
Milk and Honey fill the Cup.
And Elections are decided
By the folk who can't add up.

So raise a glass to Uncle Sam
And turn to face the front - we
Present with pride our latest show:
As O.L.T. GOES COUNTRY!

COMFORT AND JOY
(October 2001 - the programme was presented as a Christmas Card,
with this verse inside the front cover)

Dear Everybody

Just a line to slip inside the card;
As ever, life at number 6 is nothing short of hard.
I suppose I shouldn't grumble, Martin's doing very well,
But he fills the house with rubbish even Del Boy wouldn't sell.
We've Uncle Goff to stay this year (I know, we never learn -
But then again, they're hardly queuing up to take their turn).
Our Helen's back from Knaresborough, that far-off foreign land,
It'll make a pleasant change with someone here to lend a hand.
Our Kathy's due, with all her airs and graces from the Smoke,
And you can bet your life she'll have in tow some soppy bloke.
Best of all, Goff's lass Fiona (there's a phantom from the past!),
Is back from Oz with Jimmy (and they said it wouldn't last)
Still, let's hope we get a quiet one, 'cos that'll do for me,
And may your Christmas be as good,

Best Wishes,

Peggy D.

Click here to see the "Comfort and Joy web page

CINDERELLA
(November 2001)

Yes, it's time once again for our panto, it's the twentieth one that we've done;
It's in English and not Esperanto, so you're welcome to join in the fun.

And this year we present Cinderella, from a magical Kingdom of yore;
It's compiled by a fine storytella, Mr Robbins, who's done them before.

Who's the father of good Cinderella? Baron Hardupp's the fortunate man
And although he ain't no Rockefella, still he loves her as much as he can.

But the stepmother of Cinderella is a woman of cunning misrule;
She's as welcome as mumps or rubella in a classroom of children at school.

And the sisters who hate Cinderella, and who taunt her with many a trick,
Are as pois'nous as bad salmonella, and as likely to make you feel sick.

She's our heroine, is Cinderella, though they give her a terrible time,
And they shut her away in the cella (well the kitchen, but that doesn't rhyme!)

Then there's Buttons who loves Cinderella, he's her best friend if only she knew;
But he hasn't the bottle to tella (although right at the start he tells YOU).

Tongs and Ammer harass Cinderella, and would see her slung out on her ear,
Although as it turns out they're too yella, and the Hardupps have nothing to fear.

Bold Dandini chats up Cinderella (or at least she believes that's his name,
But it's really his co-castle dwella, good Prince Charming, who's set her aflame).

Now Prince Charming adores Cinderella, and he wants her as more than a pal
(And although you all think he's a fella, if the truth be revealed, she's a gal!)

Fairy Godmother helps Cinderella, when she finds she can't go to the ball;
She protects her just like an umbrella, she's the cleverest fairy of all.

Major Domo proclaims Cinderella; as a genuine Princess she's cast;
Soon as free as old Nelson Mandela, she's released from her prison at last.

But in order to help Cinderella, ('cos she's sure to need plenty of friends)
Let us hear you all boo, cheer and bella, to make sure it comes right in the end.

There are so many rhymes to remember, that my head's coming over all faint;
When we put on our show next December, just let's hope Humpty Dumpty it ain't!

Click here to see the "Cinderella" web page

WHODUNIT?
(The Hollow)

There's a body in the library
A shotgun in the hall
A revolver in the study
But no fingerprints at all;

Did a dagger pierce his vitals?
Did a bludgeon crush her head?
Was the deed performed with poison?
Is the victim really dead?

Did the butler, or the doctor,
Or the cleric, or the wife,
Plan it all in perfect detail,
Plan to take another's life?

Did the spirit leave the body
Long before the housemaid's screams?
In the world of Mrs Christie
Nothing's ever as it seems.

Is there strychnine in your choc ice?
Is there arsenic in your tea?
Does the man who sits behind you
Bear a grudge from '43?

Are you glad to leave the '50s?
Did you tremble like a leaf?
As you wander from the Civic
Do you feel a strange relief?

In the past the world was kinder
And the kids were free to roam;
But although the streets were safer
- It was dangerous at home!

Click here to see "The Hollow" web page

Prohibition

And so here we are together, reassembled on the stage,
Singing songs and sporting oufits from the Prohibition age.
Not for us the comfy sofa and the telly every night
But the calling from the greasepaint and the buzzing from the lights
As we croon the songs of Gershwin and we dance the dances too
From the days when booze was vetoed and the whiskey was taboo
But when people found all sorts of ways to slake their raging thirst
When the speakeasies were thronging and the dry campaigners cursed.
Then, the mobsters ran Chicago and the gutters ran with gore
But the tunes have stood the test of time for sixty years and more.
While you're sitting in the audience enjoying what we do
Don't forget that in addition we are looking down on you;
With your bottles and your glasses and your cries of 'one more round!'
To us thirsty entertainers it's a most alluring sound.
After all this Prohibition we could empty half a sink
So let's get these 'twenties costumes off - we're gagging for a drink!

Click here to see the "Prohibition" web page